HeidiAllen.com

It occurs to me that I’ve never met a female with “Jr” or “II” attached to the end of their name. Is this a secret window into male versus female psyches?

Obviously, lots of people don’t fit into neat gender stereotypes. I’m proof of that. Oxygen, the so-called womens’ network, features more than a few shows that make me want to projectile vomit. Witness ‘Mr. Romance: Oxygen’s search to find the next Fabio‘. Buluhehhhhh!

(I’m not much for “date movies” either.)

Yet, when I think back on the many times that I’ve heard people talk about why they want kids (usually in the context of urging me to have children of my own), there are some common male and female phrases.

From men, I often hear stuff like, “I want someone to carry on my name/legacy.”, “I don’t want the family line to end with me.”, and “I want a kid that can finish what I started.” or “…do the things I couldn’t do.”

From women, I often hear things like, “I just love babies.”, “Kids are great!” and “It’s so cool watching these little people that came out of you develop their own personalities.”

Given human overpopulation, a future that looks pretty bleak, and all the things I’d rather be doing with my time and money, none of these reasons seem particularly compelling to me. They do, however, paint a picture.

By and large, the men indicate that they want a child for selfish reasons that have to do with their own egos. They don’t dream of a unique new person, but rather of another shot at their own youth. That would explain why, instead of giving a son his own individual name, they sometimes slap their name on him and call him “Junior”.

(It would also explain why I’ve known so many men who become desperate to have children after coming face to face with their own mortality. Ladies, want a family? Find a guy who’s just completed basic training for military service.)

On the other hand, (aside from the bizarre notion that babies are like dolls, only better) most women indicate that they want children for the experience, or as a way of completing themselves. There’s a selfishness here as well, though biology seems to drive it.

To be fair, there are probably also biological roots to typical male reasoning on the subject. Maybe that explains why my dad, David, not only named my brother “David”, but then remarried and named one of my half-brothers “David”, as well as giving David-like names to my half-sisters, Darcy and Darla.

Ok, I take it back. My dad just has a screw lose. As my brother put it, “He’d name his dog David if he could!”. I guess I should be more grateful that my mom insisted on naming me.

UPDATE: My dad claims that it was his 2nd wife who talked him into all those “D” names. Hmmm… I don’t know…